That Awkward Anxiety Post

12:39 PM




In case the blog, insane bookish life, and pretty big internet presence didn't give it away, I am an extrovert. A pretty big extrovert. 88% Extrovert, the test told me a few months ago.

I believe it.

I love being around people. I really do. I get energy from their energy. I feel better and saner and healthier just being in a crowd, especially if I'm having fun. Having real-life friendships is hard but I love having a group of people to belong to, to be a part of, to be right in the middle of. I thrive off youth conferences and concerts and all those other moments when you're shoved together with a thousand other people and hugging people you don't know and staying up all hours of the night goofing off with almost-strangers. I love it.

I don't trust people, but I love being around them.

Here's where anxiety and all its glorious perks come in.


I'm starting to figure out the ins-and-outs of this thing and how exactly I can combat it, because I don't exactly want constant freaking-out to rule the rest of my life. I'm also starting to figure out that social anxiety is quite possibly a part of this whole deal, which would explain a lot

Which is weird, because I'm an extrovert, right? According to the internet I am smooth and comfortable around people and like to hug strangers and party all night. 

Except for the times when the doctor asks me what my name is and I freeze up and can't answer her. Or when I have to order coffee and linger for way too long because dang it, I'm going to say the name of the coffee I've had a hundred times wrong and everyone in the place will laugh at me. Or when my new group of school friends must hate me because they're all talking to each other already by the time I come in and I don't follow the conversation. Some of this is normal awkward-teenager-stage stuff. Some of this is not normal and makes it 10000% harder to function when I'm getting older and older and more responsible for things. 

I don't really know where this is going so just bear with me, 'kay? 

Also, I'm living off twenty one pilots lyrics right now. 
Stress is an ugly, nasty thing lately. It's meant freaking out over doctor visits and getting homework finished at midnight the night before it's due and not writing as much as I'd like to at all and as much as my T (Myers-Briggs, anyone?) side likes to find rational, logical reasons for this and logic it all away, anxiety isn't rational. 

I think this is just a ranting post, actually, but hey.

Right now I'm at a place where I could curl up and cry for several hours and kind of drown in all that anxiety and have a panic attack or two (which still happens but whatever) and pin depressing quotes on Pinterest and stop blogging and let myself be the tragic anxious martyr. But I'm also at a place where I could do the hard thing and use the help I'm getting and get up and go outside and breathe fall air (even though I kind of despise cold weather) and read lots of books and try to get a job and breathe and pray and take comfort in the things I find in my Bible and do my best to live. It won't be perfect, and I'm not counting on this whole bad anxiety thing going anyway any time in the future, but sometimes, you have to choose to try. I think that makes all the difference. 

So yeah, consider this a warm fuzzy hug from a fellow anxious person. With blankets. And hot chocolate. And songs like this one. Because in the words of the ever-wise and brilliant Tyler Joseph, life has a hopeful undertone. 

What have you been reading lately? Tell me all about it. 

33 comments

  1. Ugh anxiety. It sucks. As one anxious person to another I feel your pain. *hugs*

    https://whimsywriter3.wordpress.com/

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  2. haha, as a fellow extrovert who knows social awkwardness a little too well, here's a virtual hug.
    basically this post was honestly so SO relatable, aimee. i mean, really, i'm shy at first around people i know but don't know. if it's a perfect stranger or a best friend i'm more than happy to just live, but if they're like between that, i'm just like, haha hi bye. it's awkward, embarrassing, and stressful. and sometimes, wait for it, i'm afraid of what people think too. SHOCKER. but one of the things that definitely help me the most are quotes, are more specifically Bible verses. it's in those times that the Bible seems to literally come alive. stay strong :)

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    1. Alllll the virtual hugs. And yes, I've been running to the Bible more often lately, which is good, and I've definitely noticed that that helps and I discover all these beautiful and comforting verses I wouldn't have found otherwise.

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  3. *is the worst about remembering to check blogs and just happened to see this on Twitter earlier, and OH MY GOSH I SHOULD READ YOUR BLOG MORE OFTEN*
    Anyway. *sends you a million hugs* I'm not extroverted and my anxiety is more of an OCD-type thing, but I get this. I thought I had gotten better with my anxiety over the summer, only to realize that a huge part of why I'm struggling to write/edit is because of it. Which is frustrating. Plus school makes everything 10x worse, soooooo...fun stuff. And I thought I had more of a point to this comment, but I've forgotten it, so...basically I just wanted to say I get this and it's nice to know I'm not alone and I'm praying for you. Also, I need to listen to Twenty-One Pilots more often.

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    1. Ah, OCD stuff sucks too. :/ I agree, it bleeds into everything and makes it difficult. Thanks so much for commenting! <3

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  4. I think you've got the right mindset about it--that you can't stop living just because it's hard. Really, really hard. Thanks for the inspiring post! Joshua 1:9 is one of my favorite verses when I'm afraid, scared, or anxious.

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    1. That's one of my favorites, too. <3 I'm working on the whole living thing; it's easier to write about a thing than it is to actually carry it out. But I'm getting there.

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  5. I know how this is, although it is partly because I'm a huge introvert. But I know how horrible the anxiety is, the stress. *hands you your own hot chocolate and all the warm blankets* I'm in a similar position right now, and as stupid as anxiety is, it really is hard to push you. I love how you put this, though. You've just got to push through it, even if it's hard. I think I needed this post, so thanks for ranting.

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    1. *snuggles down with hot chocolate and blankets* I'm glad it was helpful! I wrote it on a whim during a stressful moment and it did help, so I was hoping it would help someone else too. :)

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  6. This post is brilliant and I'm so glad I read it. Because I don't know what anxiety feels like and I want to understand it, and the more I read the closer I can get. Three of my closest friends have anxiety. One of them had a panic attack one day alone with me when I was younger and I had no idea what was going on. So, ever since I've been trying to learn. Even if this was a rant post, it really helped, more than government sites do. Thank you and I wish you luck with alleviating anxiety. :)

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    1. Yeah, anxiety can be a scary thing if you don't know much about it...heck, it's a scary thing when you DO know what's going on. :) It's nice to see someone who's trying to learn, because really, the most important thing you could do as a friend to people with anxiety is know what's going on and that really, you just have to be patient and be there for us. We can be difficult people sometimes and panic attacks happen and honestly having someone there who understands a little of what's going on is the absolute best. I'm glad I could help with that, and good luck with your friendships! <3

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  7. Ugghh, I'm right there with you. I mean, I'm an introvert, so I naturally shun society. But I totally understand your fear when ordering coffee or going to the doctor or something. I'm pretty sure I would downplay a broken leg just to keep from going to the hospital. Hopefully you'll find lots of fun ways to get around your anxiety, at least most of the time. :)

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    1. SAME. Hospitals are the worst and I cannot even with them. *shudders*

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  8. I totally one hundred percent relate.
    I'm an extrovert. Not as huge as I used to be, but I sill love being around other people and stuff. And though I might appear confident and stuff I've been suffering some more with insecurity and that turns into an anxiety with other people. I generally stress about BIG things. Like I'll play the piano for Church, and I don't really worry about playing the piano, I just worry about walking up the stairs and when do I start and allll the little details. And talking. I'm just really awkward when I talk and my voice gets high and squeaky when I'm awkward and then I talk fast so people don't understand me and it pains me to say it again because I really how stupid it is and I don't even know what I'm talking about any more.
    And I trust people too much sometimes because I'm just the happy dandy ENFP who loves butterflies and gets distracted every two seconds. (Which is true, but, still.) So then when they don't come through on things I wonder if it's my fault or silly stuff like that and I just think really stupidly sometimes. :p
    So I'm just going to end this before I turn this into Katie's-long-list-of-insecurities and say: I agree with all the things. xD

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    1. *allll the hugs* Ugh I feel ya. It's awkward and hard and insecurities keep popping up but hey, we've got this. xD

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  9. Thank you for this post, Aimee. I relate so much, and I've been struggling with a lot of the same things lately. And I'm sorry you're dealing with this stuff, because it majorly sucks. *hugs*

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    1. Well, I'm glad it helped some! And I'll be praying for you. :)

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    2. And I for you! Thanks so much. :)

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  10. I know the feeling all to well, Aimee! I'm an introvert, so I've always been a bit reserved, but I understand how you feel like you're getting more anxious as you get older. It's weird isn't it? I always thought I'd be more social and easy going the older I got, but I guess it's not true! So, from a fellow awkwardly anxious person, here's a virtual hug and hot chocolate in return. (-:

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    1. Awww thank you! I'm not too fond of this getting older thing. :P

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  11. Glad I'm not alone my anxieties have anxiety.
    ;)

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  12. Ughhhh, ANXIETY. I hear ya, I do. Although I'm like 100% introvert. I honestly am. I could go days without talking to humans IRL and be toootally fine (it can be a bit of a problem. XD) but it doesn't matter what your personality is, right, because if you have anxiety IT IS HARD TO DEAL WITH. *pats shoulder* I am still trying to work out how to manage mine.

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    1. Right? Managing it is like...well, something. Herding cats? xD

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  13. I approve of this blogpost and the gifs involved. dude. I get the whole extraverted/anxiety thing. Never in a million years would I call myself an extrovert, but I am down to a 34% on the introvert scale, which I find incrediblely close to extroverted. You'd think that anxiety would back off the more comfortable you get with people, but that's really not how anxiety works. It's all up in your face, no matter who you are as a person, and whether you're a people person or not, it's just as debilitating.

    love this post, and thank you for your encouraging words and internet chocolate. It gave me many of smile. :)

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    1. YES. I hate the attitude that you have to have a reason for anxiety, or be a certain kind of person, because...no. You don't get to choose. xD

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  14. Twenty one pilots?? YESSS..... Love them sooo much :D
    -JH

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  15. Anxiety is just one of those things that don't make sense in this world, and it's a struggle. I think it's hardest because other people don't always understand—but I'm glad you've shared your thoughts with us anyway, because sharing it does help us understand. Everyone needs a little grace. Plus, this falls under the category of "personal things I would never share about myself if they pertained to me" and that is always impressive. Stay strong.

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    1. *shrugs* It's become something I'm better at sharing, even though it's so scary...I'm really, really grateful for all the lovely comments I've been getting because naturally I had a lot of anxiety about posting it in the first place. xD

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  16. I relate so much. I'm more introvert than extrovert, but I have social anxiety too which makes EVERYTHING WITH PEOPLE TERRIFYING. :p But like you said, we can't hole up and cry forever. At some point, we have to step out and at least /try/.

    Great post!


    Alexa
    thessalexa.blogspot.com
    verbositybookreviews.wordpress.com

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    1. Ughhhh I feel ya. Trying is the hardest thing, but also the most helpful...sigh.

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