you are loved.6:38 PM
I'm in a hotel room and I'm getting back from vacation so I didn't intend to post today, but here we are.
|also too lazy to make a graphic, forgive me|
And that's kind of a big deal to me.
I don't know if you guys had figured this out by now, but mental health is something that's beyond important to me. It affects me, it affects my family, it affects my friends, it affects millions of people I don't even know, people I've never met. It's not a local problem. It's not an American problem. It reaches out and touches people who don't seem like they "could" be mentally ill. Mental illness is a dark, dark thing, no matter what form it takes. It's not fair. It's miserable and cold and lonely. I would take it all away if I could. For everyone. There are people who suffer more than I do under this weight and that kinda breaks me sometimes.
Sometimes it feels hopeless.
Most of the time it feels dark.
Like drowning, maybe.
Or trudging through mud.
And you think you're going to have a good day and pull your life together and it goes great until the third or fourth day of trying and you're trying but you're overwhelmed and it's always going to be this way, it's always going to be like this, and you're never going to crawl out of the hole. Everyone around you is having difficulties.
I'm learning, I'm trying. I've had a good few weeks. I've been productive and not had many panic attacks and haven't cried myself to sleep once and I've made it and felt okay. It's still there, though, gnawing at the edges. And there are some people who are still in the grips of the darkness. And there's always the possibility of getting dragged back down into the hole just when I think I'm doing great, yeah? It's going to happen.
This is a scary post to write, because isn't it terrifying to think about ourselves and our own minds? Sometimes the last thing you want to do is stare the darkness head-on and admit it to the people around you. You spend a lot of time stuffing all that crap deep down into your pockets so no one around you sees it, so nobody notices that it's leaking out little by little. (You're hoping that it doesn't explode and everyone sees the black disaster that is you.)
But starting the conversation makes all the difference.
Books told me that I wasn't alone in my mental illness, that I could be okay, that it was a conversation we could talk about. People who were willing to talk about their struggles with me made it okay, made it make sense, they helped. My entire career choice, my goal of writing, is based off portraying the world as it is, being brutally honest. I can't ignore the ugly parts. I can't ignore the parts of me that hurt.
Being honest about what hurts and how it hurts, starting that conversation and making it open and free, is what spreads hope. It gets people to open up and bleed all over the place, draining out until the light can pour in again. In the words of Switchfoot, my favorite band, the wound is where the light shines through.
|bless this band, honestly.|
You. Are. Loved.
You might not think you are. I don't think I am 98% of the time, even if it's true. But the world is a better place because you are here. How could it not be? You were crafted and known and created for a specific reason. You are here for a specific reason. No one else can write the words you can write, or sing the songs you can sing, or give the hugs you can give. No one else has your life, your ideas, your sphere of influence. You're bursting with potential, and you're hurt, and wounded, but isn't everyone?
|really, just go listen to this song.|
God loves you.
Your family loves you.
Your friends love you.
I love you, because you're a fellow messed-up broken human, and we're kind of all in this together.
And the wound is where the light shines through, our brains are sick but that's okay, we will be okay because there is always light. And there is always another day ahead of you, more potential, more sunlight. I promise. I've been through it. Whatever night you're in the middle of, night always has to end.
This will end.
We'll come out on top, on the other side.
Let's be honest. Let's be vulnerable. Let's commit to making sure people know we love them, because we do. Spread kindness and love and hope. Let's remember the things that make us happy -- like shows and dogs and cats and popcorn and soft blankets and good books and did I mention good shows, seriously. Let's open the conversation up and make it something we can talk about without fear and shame.
Let's not feel alone. Let's not let each other be alone.
Love you guys. Glad you're here.