you are loved.

6:38 PM


I'm in a hotel room and I'm getting back from vacation so I didn't intend to post today, but here we are. 
also too lazy to make a graphic, forgive me
So, evidently it's #WorldSuicidePreventionDay.

And that's kind of a big deal to me. 

I don't know if you guys had figured this out by now, but mental health is something that's beyond important to me. It affects me, it affects my family, it affects my friends, it affects millions of people I don't even know, people I've never met. It's not a local problem. It's not an American problem. It reaches out and touches people who don't seem like they "could" be mentally ill. Mental illness is a dark, dark thing, no matter what form it takes. It's not fair. It's miserable and cold and lonely. I would take it all away if I could. For everyone. There are people who suffer more than I do under this weight and that kinda breaks me sometimes. 

Sometimes it feels hopeless. 

Most of the time it feels dark. 

Like drowning, maybe. 

Or trudging through mud. 

And you think you're going to have a good day and pull your life together and it goes great until the third or fourth day of trying and you're trying but you're overwhelmed and it's always going to be this way, it's always going to be like this, and you're never going to crawl out of the hole. Everyone around you is having difficulties. 

I'm learning, I'm trying. I've had a good few weeks. I've been productive and not had many panic attacks and haven't cried myself to sleep once and I've made it and felt okay. It's still  there, though, gnawing at the edges. And there are some people who are still in the grips of the darkness. And there's always the possibility of getting dragged back down into the hole just when I think I'm doing great, yeah? It's going to happen. 
twenty one pilots: Stressed Out | We Think Therefore We Create:

This is a scary post to write, because isn't it terrifying to think about ourselves and our own minds? Sometimes the last thing you want to do is stare the darkness head-on and admit it to the people around you. You spend a lot of time stuffing all that crap deep down into your pockets so no one around you sees it, so nobody notices that it's leaking out little by little. (You're hoping that it doesn't explode and everyone sees the black disaster that is you.) 

But starting the conversation makes all the difference. 

Books told me that I wasn't alone in my mental illness, that I could be okay, that it was a conversation we could talk about. People who were willing to talk about their struggles with me made it okay, made it make sense, they helped. My entire career choice, my goal of writing, is based off portraying the world as it is, being brutally honest. I can't ignore the ugly parts. I can't ignore the parts of me that hurt. 

Being honest about what hurts and how it hurts, starting that conversation and making it open and free, is what spreads hope. It gets people to open up and bleed all over the place, draining out until the light can pour in again. In the words of Switchfoot, my favorite band, the wound is where the light shines through. 
Image result for switchfoot where the light shines through lyrics
bless this band, honestly.
This is where I get to the real point, since I got so distracted earlier:

You. Are. Loved. 

You might not think you are. I don't think I am 98% of the time, even if it's true. But the world is a better place because you are here. How could it not be? You were crafted and known and created for a specific reason. You are here for a specific reason. No one else can write the words you can write, or sing the songs you can sing, or give the hugs you can give. No one else has your life, your ideas, your sphere of influence. You're bursting with potential, and you're hurt, and wounded, but isn't everyone? 
 :
really, just go listen to this song.

God loves you. 

Your family loves you. 

Your friends love you. 

I love you, because you're a fellow messed-up broken human, and we're kind of all in this together. 

And the wound is where the light shines through, our brains are sick but that's okay, we will be okay because there is always light. And there is always another day ahead of you, more potential, more sunlight. I promise. I've been through it. Whatever night you're in the middle of, night always has to end. 

This will end. 

We'll come out on top, on the other side.

Let's be honest. Let's be vulnerable. Let's commit to making sure people know we love them, because we do. Spread kindness and love and hope. Let's remember the things that make us happy -- like shows and dogs and cats and popcorn and soft blankets and good books and did I mention good shows, seriously. Let's open the conversation up and make it something we can talk about without fear and shame. 

Let's not feel alone. Let's not let each other be alone. 

Love you guys. Glad you're here.
 :
<3

30 comments

  1. Yesss. Lately it's just absolutely torn me in pieces that someone could think they are so unimportant that they would end their own life. Last Wednesday I visited my best friend's church, and her older sister was talking to us teens about our lives being worth it. About picking ourselves up and going on even when you feel worthless. Suicide came up, and someone spoke up and pointed out that even if you feel like you're worthless, "Someone is going to miss you if you're gone." That whole talk just really stuck with me-- partly because I've gone through long spells of feeling worthless myself.
    Then the next morning I heard that someone in this town had taken her life the night before. While we were talking about every life being worth something, she was not so far away, feeling so hopeless she chose to take her life. It just absolutely broke my heart. Like, you hear about these things all the time, and it makes you sad, but this one just really hit me, that it had happened the very night we were talking about knowing you're worth it, knowing you're loved. Even though I didn't know this girl, I found myself sobbing because of what had happened to her.
    Someone who worked with her told us she was the sweetest girl, and she always seemed so happy. That stuck with me too, more than ever before-- how somebody can seem totally okay on the outside, but inside they might be hurting. A lot. And I just pray that if I ever meet someone feeling that way, I can do or say something, ANYthing, to encourage them.
    Everything related to all that stuff that's been going through my mind for the past week... it's kind of made me think about my writing. Like, I write for fun. But lately it's become clear just how important it is to me to make my writing matter to people, too. How it can say so much, reach somebody who needs to hear what it's telling them. If I want to do anything with my writing, I want to reach out to people I'd never be able to reach otherwise.

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    1. Agh, that's so hard, and I'm so sorry. It's a heartbreaking thing, and I want to do everything I can to change it, to give people hope and kindness. Writing is such a crucial way to do that and has really made me take it more seriously.

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  2. saving this post probably because this reminder is so good.

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  3. Seriously the picture of truth you paint with these words are too beautiful for words really. Thank you so much for this post, Aimee. I love all the encouragement and hope that you wrote here (and the song examples: YES).

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    1. Thank you so much! I'm glad it was encouraging.

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  4. *is very touched by this post* Thanks for sharing, Aimee - I loved it :).

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  5. Thank you so much for writing this, Aimee.

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  6. Like, wow. I don't even have words, except thank you. Thank you for sharing - this was so heartfelt and beautiful, and a message everyone needs to hear. xx

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    1. *hugs and chocolate* ahhhh you're just lovely, thank you!

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  7. Aaaah I've been gone for a while, but the last two posts are kind of important to me.

    I'm not sure if I have anxiety(?) but I do have a mental condition, and I'm... not typical in other ways, and I just... ugh. Stress gets to me. Maybe it's just because I'm doing more than I did before, but... yeah.

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    1. Yeah, I feel that. :/ Just know that you're not alone, and there's hope, and there are so many people around you to support and love you. It's gonna be okay.

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  8. and Im so proud of you. every time I see one of your posts on my dash I just think about how proud I am of you. you're my freaking hero

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    1. Ugh wow, thank you so much. This really means a lot.

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  9. I needed this post, it's nice to know I am not alone.

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  10. (I apologize in advance for how meandering this is) Thank you so, so much for this. I just...thank you so much. I've had a difficult couple weeks. I don't really know what's wrong with me-I'm terrified most of the time, and sometimes it's hard for me to find the motivation to do anything at all. Whatever it is, it comes and goes (and has for years), and I do feel alone sometimes. It's okay, though, because I think it's helped me realize how thoroughly helpless I am without God. I've learned a lot about trusting Him lately. However, some weeks/days/months it feels like I'm being buried alive by my own failings and fears.
    Again, thank you so much for this post. So many people needed to hear that. Mental illness is an extremely important subject, obviously, and one that's very close to my heart. The amount of people, especially teens, who commit suicide every year is so, so heartbreaking. The very thought hurts me so much. It's amazing to see the increase in awareness and everything the past few years. I'm not going to ramble any more, but just so you know, I think you're incredibly inspiring, honest, and strong. I'm so proud of you and thankful for everything you do.

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    1. *hugs* Ugh, I feel that, friend, and I'm so very very sorry that you're going through it. Please do know and remember that you're not alone, that there are people who love you, that you are NOT your failures. You will come up out of this -- you're strong, after all. And we're here for you. (Do let me know if you need anything ever!)

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  11. This post is beautiful. I didn't think I was going to cry when I read the title, but here I am, and I'm crying. Thank you for being open and honest and saying all the things that need to be said. I'm sorry to hear about your panic attacks and anxiety and all of that. That stuff really, really stinks and I wish you didn't have to go through it. *Cyber hugs*
    Please remember that nothing is ever so bad as it seems. More important, remember that you are loved and you are awesome and if you ever need anyone to reassure you about that, you can ask me.
    I've probably already told you, but anxiety, panic attacks, and OCD are a problem for me too. I've come to a point in my life where it almost doesn't affect me anymore. Sometimes I even forget for a while.
    Yet every once in a while some panic attack strikes, or I have a bad day, and I remember the time when I thought I would never be happy again. I remember when every minute of every hour I wished I was asleep or perhaps too ill to hear my own thoughts or feel my own feelings.
    And sometimes, I wished for death.
    That was a loong, long time ago, but the fact remains that it happened. If you're there, if you're feeling that way, don't give up. I've been there and back and it does end. It's not always going to be that dark. Go to the Lord, go to your parents, to a therapist, or a good friend.
    It's going to work out.
    Love you.
    PS. I'm still crying. Psychs. XD
    PPS. I can talk to people. Any of you people if you need someone to talk to.
    PPPS. I'm not sure I want to hit send.

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  12. You're so amazing and brave to say this, Aimee. This is beautiful. Speaking up about things really does wonders, for the speaker and the listener. You are a beautiful girl, Aimee, and YOU are loved. Never forget that <3

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  13. I honestly don't even have words right now, but this is so beautiful and poignant and I love you, Aimee. You're so strong. Thank you for sharing this. <3

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  14. I don't even know what to say. I didn't think I was gonna cry but now I think I’m gonna cry and it’s just like THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS.

    Also, at first I read it wrong and thought it said "let’s spread love and hope and popcorn." But I feel like that works too.

    Alexa
    thessalexa.blogspot.com
    verbosityreviews.com

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  15. Feeling miserable every week really sucks :'(

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  16. I'm so sorry to hear that you also suffer from anxiety. I can completely relate to it, but I don't usually have panic attacks... I'll be praying for you, friend! ;)
    Thank you for being brave enough to speak out about this dark topic. It's not an easy thing to write about, and because of that, you have earned my respect.

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hey. hey. talk to me. i'm a fan of comments and flailing with you. go for it.