i might be an overachiever // nano #4

7:00 AM


You guys.

We did it.

WE MADE IT.



As of tomorrow, NaNoWriMo 2016 will be over. And what a month it's been. We've written words. We've...not written words. We've wailed over words, both our own and the feelsy ones belonging to our frens. And, somehow, at the bloody end of it all, we emerge. Victorious, no matter how you spin it.

total word count: 91,271 (at the time of writing this post)

"Aimee," you say, "You're absolutely insane." 

You're right. I have so many regrets and I wish I hadn't done it. But here we are. (I'm starting to think I have a problem.) 

The obvious question, and the one I'm asking myself as I look back at the insanity of this NaNo and all the words I've written, is of course... why in the name of all things good did I decide to do this in the first place? Why can't I just stick to the 50k? I'd be lying if I said that wasn't hard enough. Why did I force myself through word crawls, and late nights, and frustrations, and plot issues, all for the sake of, y'know, writing way more words than I had to? Is the stress worth it? 

Quite honestly I don't have an answer. But I do know some little things about myself. 

Namely, that I'm a huge overachiever.

Like the good old Alexander Hamilton, there's a million things I haven't done, or at least it feels that way. Lately I've been gripped with the fear that I'm not good enough. That I'm not doing well enough to stand out. That I'm not producing work quickly enough. That I'm a no-good failure and honestly, how do you become famous and recognized and noticed as a creative if you don't work your butt off and do all the things? So every time I approach something, whether this is good or bad or a little bit of both, I can't shake the feeling that it has to be the best. It has to be better than everything else I've ever done. It has to be fantastic. 

(I blogged about this on Youer Than You two Saturdays ago and you should check it out because I'm rather proud of it.)

So...if I don't do more than I have to, go the extra mile and then some, and do something that's "impressive", I'm a failure and I have to do better next time. 

Sound fun? (it's not. it's really not.)
Image result for alexander hamilton gif

This month I've been trying to channel that overachieving, overly-motivated part of myself into something a little more productive and positive -- trying to find the balance between working hard for what I want and chilling out just a little. I don't have answers yet and I can't say I had some huge improvement and now I'm doing better and I'm not ever caught up in the wave of insecurity and needing to not be a "failure", but...it was a good month, all the same. 

Little steps. I'll get there. 

And now...Snippets.
the ship is real.
this isn't upsetting at all, I swear. 
*dundundunnnn*
It's been a long NaNo month.

Now, it's time to sleep. for a little tiny bit. and then back to work.

12 comments

  1. CONGRATS ON ALL THOSE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!

    AHHHHH!!!! I can totally relate. I keep telling myself to take a break, but then my mind says "you haven't done those character profiles yet, have you? Better get them done right now."

    *high-five from one Alexander Hamilton writer to another* (though I can totally be Tony Stark at times)

    - audrey caylin
    http://audreycaylin.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. CONGRATS AIMEE! Danggg, your writing is amazing!I've really enjoyed reading your posts about your NaNo journey. This year was my first official shot at NaNoWriMo and as of right now, I am 2,000 words away from winning. *screams* Again, CONGRATS! 91,271 words is a huge accomplishment! *grins*

    ReplyDelete
  3. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS THAT IS AMAZING. Second of all, those snippets are beautiful and slightly scary. You are awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMG I'M FREAKIN' IN LOVE WITH YOUR NOVEL!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE I CAN READ THE WHOLE THING!!!!! I need to read it or I think I shall die......

    Congrats on totally demolishing the challenge, girl! You totally rocked it! I am so jealous of your writing it's crazy redic!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh my gosh: First off, wow, that's a lot of words. Major congrats and kudos and cookies to you!
    And second: THE SNIPPETS. THE SNIPPETS ARE SO INTENSELY INTENSE AND REAL. O_O not to mention beautiful.
    you've inspired me. XD
    Jeneca Writes

    ReplyDelete
  6. CONGRATS YOU MAD WRITING QUEEN!!! *gives you all the cake* And I do hope you get to take a looooong nap after this. XD Also I totally understand the overachieving feels. The worst part about overachieving is doing something AMAZING and then realising you have to like..um..beat it next time as well. *facepalm* ANYWAY. Congrats on the 91K!!! And the snippets are amazing.😍

    ReplyDelete
  7. Whoa, congrats! I have to tell you, I've been admiring your determination with writing for a while now. How someone can write so much in so little time impresses me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I can so relate to this post so much. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for writing this. You are amazing and congrats on SO MANY WORDS. And the snippets! They are to die for!

    ReplyDelete
  9. CONGRATULATIONS ON 90K!!! That is so amazing. And judging by the snippets, this book is a spectacular one!

    ReplyDelete
  10. WELL DONE! Seriously! I love your snippets, the vibe of it, so creepy and swampy and cold! Love love love it. You've done so, so well. Don't let yourself convince yourself otherwise! :*

    ReplyDelete
  11. Aimee, I swear, you are Alexander Hamilton.

    Also your snippets are gorgeous and I am just constantly in awe of you. YOU ARE AMAZING.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well, dang. That's all I can say about those excerpts, lol. Your story sounds so amazing. Dark, but amazing.


    Alexa
    thessalexa.blogspot.com
    verbosityreviews.com

    ReplyDelete

hey. hey. talk to me. i'm a fan of comments and flailing with you. go for it.