I'm Exhausted // NaNo #3

7:00 AM


Some people post nice and pretty NaNo updates. I cannot. I am a mess. *weeps softly*


Full disclosure: I'm exhausted. this is probably going to be a small update because of that. It's been a wildly busy month for me, both in life and in writing -- but mostly because those are the same thing at this point. My eyes hurt. My head hurts. My wrists are aching. I'm a little bit of a mess. Not necessarily an unhappy mess, but a mess all the same. Hey, what's new?

it's okay if this post makes no sense to you. My writer brain is very, very sleepy.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a tangle of Mountain Dew and bad poetry and fantasy names and carpal tunnel at the moment.

And I have zero regrets.
Image result for parks and rec chris gif
also i have started watching parks and rec. i am loving parks and rec. save me.

total word count so far: 70,010

Save meeeee. 

Last week I posted about being inspired and having a great time. That may still be true, but...I'm worn out. It feels like I've been going, going, going for a while now, with no opportunity to stop, and I'm worried I'm going to burn out. The story is starting to reach the inevitable "I don't know what I'm doing" stage that always hits me in the middle. This time, it's worst. 

Worldbuilding is a thing that needs to happen. 

Character is a thing that needs to happen. 

It's a first draft. I know it should be allowed to suck. 

Still, I'm trying to trudge through this bit and get to the good things. I know I have to, I know the trudging is needed, but it's tiring and glamorous all the same, and I'm ready to be done. 
Image result for exhausted gif
me rn
Slowly but surely, I'm teaching myself how to be a mess. How to be okay with not being perfect, with being in a state of change. That's much harder to believe when things are actually changing and you're caught up in the whirlwind. And when you try to make yourself write 5k a day after you've done work and school and social things, well... 

I am not good at finding the balance yet, y'all. 

(Look at you. You're getting exhausted honest Aimee time.)

There are a million things I want to do, and I want to do them all right now. I want to be famous, I want to write great things, I want to juggle a newsletter and a podcast and a thousand comments and a hundred thousand followers and a thriving twitter account and a thriving blog and soooo many novels and I want this novel to be perfect and successful and for people to love it. I want things to happen instantly, and when that happens, I push myself too hard and forget what I'm really trying to do. 

I need to step back. 

Take a deep breath. 

Remind myself that it's okay to be messy and wild and let all my work suck this month. That's what NaNo is for. Not creating the next Great American Novel; but to allow myself to get elbow-deep into the muck and play around with it until I find the things that fit. I'm sixteen. I have so much time. 

And I have plenty of time to breathe. 

(No snippets this week, y'all, it's been a messy one and I'm trying to step away from trying to write the best thing ever and feel like I have to have snippet-worthy words. Love ya.)

how is NaNo going for youuuuu?

24 comments

  1. Duuude, 70k. That's awesome. I'm still hanging on right now at just under 30k, but I'm going to catch up. *nods confidently*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, that's a lot of writing. I'm less than 1000 words from 40k and plan to go over that today. I've five more chapters in my novella and have it deadlined to get done by November 29. *crosses fingers*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can do thisss! *throws confetti at you*

      Delete
  3. 70k is more writing than I normally do in a month. That's a lot of words, and it's amazing. You may be a mess, but you're an awesome one.
    Also, PARKS AND REC OH MY GOSH I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE WATCHING IT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PARKS AND REC IS THE BEST OKAY I LOVE IT SO MUCH. (Loved it, because I finished already. Whoops.)

      Delete
  4. me too dude, me too.

    HANG IN THERE AIMEE!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wait, you wrote how many words???? I. Am. A. Failure..... *facepalm* I'm pathetic cause I'm all excited that I've written over 3K words in under a week lol!!!!!! But then again, I've never written a rough draft novel before....so I guess I'm celebrating the small victories!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Psssst, I'm not doing Nano this year nor have I ever done it....

      Delete
    2. Heh, I've done too many words and I regret so much :P

      Delete
    3. Well I say there's no such thing as too many words, live with no regrets, and always keep writing. ;)

      Delete
  6. 70k? Girl, you deserve a break. Your hard work will definitely pay off one day.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Eeeep, good luck for the home stretch!! 70K is AMAZING. And I thoroughly agree with the "I still have time" sentiment, because I struggled with that as a teen writer...I thought I had to do everything before I turned 20.😂 But actually there is time to do everything, which is such a relief for we dreamers and idea queens. SO HAVE SOME CAKE, AND A NAP, AND KEEP GOING, YOU'VE GOT THIS!! *eats cake on your behalf just because*

    ReplyDelete
  8. OH MY GOODNESS I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO FINDING YOUR BLOG <3 I've being enjoying following you on Twitter and Instagram lately so I knew I'd love your blog too! CANNOT WAIT TO READ MORE. xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. 70K??????????

    You are a queen.

    You are so phenomenal, and you do have so much time. Breathe. You're going to do amazing things.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I HEAR YA, GIRL! This post speaks to my soul. I'm still loving my NaNo novel but...I'm also reeeally ready to be done. *collapses* But also just the whole "wanting to be a published author" thing can be SO exhausting. Like you, I want to write amazing books and get them published and get a billion followers on all the social media accounts and juggle everything perfectly. But, over half the time, I just want to collapse and have a Doctor Who marathon. It can be so TIRING.

    But I KNOW you can do this! And from what snippets I've seen, you have soooo much talent. THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR BOOKS. But, like you said, you're only 16. You have your whole life ahead of you! Take one day at a time. Take a break when you need it. Be kind to yourself. You have absolutely got this thing. *fistpump*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, it's so tiring...but keep at it! It pays off. I think. Eventually. We'll find out. :P

      Delete
  11. You are doing so well! I hope it's still going strong. I relate so strongly to that "I don't know what's happening" stage, but WE GET THROUGH IT. We've got through it before. We'll get through it again. Think of the other novels you've written that are now pretty and shiny and SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE FIRST DRAFT. Remember the first draft, when you felt like you feel now. When you were like HOW IS THIS STRUCTURE EVER GOING TO WORK. I'LL NEVER PATCH OVER THESE PLOT HOLES. And now you have! And it will happen with this one, too!

    Don't push yourself too hard. Even if you don't reach your wordcount -- I'm not saying you won't, ofc, but it you didn't -- you've still written an amazing amount. Like, you have deffos WON NaNo!

    I am not NaNo-ing, but I am on the cusp of finishing a book so I almost feel like I'm about to win NaNo! It would be nice to finish before November's end so we can all celebrate together. Idk, it could well happen! I'm loving it. BLOOD. EVERYWHERE.

    Hang on in there! :*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! <3 All the same to youuuu.

      Delete

hey. hey. talk to me. i'm a fan of comments and flailing with you. go for it.