I'm Exhausted // NaNo #37:00 AM
Some people post nice and pretty NaNo updates. I cannot. I am a mess. *weeps softly*
Full disclosure: I'm exhausted. this is probably going to be a small update because of that. It's been a wildly busy month for me, both in life and in writing -- but mostly because those are the same thing at this point. My eyes hurt. My head hurts. My wrists are aching. I'm a little bit of a mess. Not necessarily an unhappy mess, but a mess all the same. Hey, what's new?
And I have zero regrets.
|also i have started watching parks and rec. i am loving parks and rec. save me.|
total word count so far: 70,010
Last week I posted about being inspired and having a great time. That may still be true, but...I'm worn out. It feels like I've been going, going, going for a while now, with no opportunity to stop, and I'm worried I'm going to burn out. The story is starting to reach the inevitable "I don't know what I'm doing" stage that always hits me in the middle. This time, it's worst.
Worldbuilding is a thing that needs to happen.
Character is a thing that needs to happen.
It's a first draft. I know it should be allowed to suck.
Still, I'm trying to trudge through this bit and get to the good things. I know I have to, I know the trudging is needed, but it's tiring and glamorous all the same, and I'm ready to be done.
I am not good at finding the balance yet, y'all.
(Look at you. You're getting exhausted honest Aimee time.)
There are a million things I want to do, and I want to do them all right now. I want to be famous, I want to write great things, I want to juggle a newsletter and a podcast and a thousand comments and a hundred thousand followers and a thriving twitter account and a thriving blog and soooo many novels and I want this novel to be perfect and successful and for people to love it. I want things to happen instantly, and when that happens, I push myself too hard and forget what I'm really trying to do.
I need to step back.
Take a deep breath.
Remind myself that it's okay to be messy and wild and let all my work suck this month. That's what NaNo is for. Not creating the next Great American Novel; but to allow myself to get elbow-deep into the muck and play around with it until I find the things that fit. I'm sixteen. I have so much time.
And I have plenty of time to breathe.
(No snippets this week, y'all, it's been a messy one and I'm trying to step away from trying to write the best thing ever and feel like I have to have snippet-worthy words. Love ya.)
how is NaNo going for youuuuu?