"how are you so productive, aimee?" // a foolproof guide to being as busy as me

7:00 AM


Because people keep asking me how I do it and expressing dismay over all the things I manage to get done. 

"How do you do it, Aimee? 

"How are you so productive, Aimee?" 

"How do you find time to read AND write AND blog AND do all the things AND get them all done?" 

"How are you such a fast reader/writer?" 

"Why do you write like you're running out of time?"

All questions I get on a regular basis on my Twitter or in Instagram/blog comments and so on and so forth. Apparently, I am a productive human being with a talent for getting crap done, and y'all want to know how I do it, since you apparently won't believe that it's magic. you wish it was magic. Since I'm a benevolent future world ruler who loves and appreciates my followers, I have decided to give you the gift of secrets. Namely, the secrets behind how I do all this. 

Most of them, anyway. 



1. weeping.
"is this a joke?" you laugh nervously. 

This is not a joke. This is a productivity tip that will save your life, trust me. Crying frantically over all the things you have to do, staining the paper/keyboard with your bitter tears, is the best way to get things done. It's how I do everything, in fact. I don't start working until I've cried in despair and overwhelming feelings for at least two hours. 

It's just science. 

2. Mountain Dew 

Ah yes, the blessed elixir. 

You just can't be productive and on the top of your game without a body-vibrating caffeine rush, the likes of which you can only get from about five or six cans of Mountain Dew per day. You think tea makes you productive, or worse, coffee? Amateurs. Heavily sugared and caffeinated soda is the fuel of the future. You don't need food or water when you have Mountain Dew in your veins 24/7. 

That no-sleep and caffeine crash side affect? A minor detail. 
THE RUSHHHHH.

3. ignoring all life responsibilities. 

How are you going to get writing and reading done if work is a thing? Or school? Or sports/music? Or any other priority? Cast everything aside and join me in the pit of true creative productivity, where schoolwork doesn't matter -- just let it pile up -- and you never need to leave the house. 

Time management is crucial. It's easy, too, once you follow in my footsteps and master the fine art of dodging responsibilities and pushing everything but words aside until a later date. 


4. Netflix 

"This sounds counterproductive, Aimee." 

WRONG. 

In order to truly get things done, to truly be as productive as me, you have to understand the power of Netflix or any other video streaming service. (Youtube works too, magically.) You haven't truly gotten things done until you've fallen down the rabbithole of watching the entirety of The Office in two weeks or binging Marvel shows for hours and days on end. Important, too, is my highly recommended strategy of doing things while watching shows. For example, why would you pour your whole heart and soul into editing a printed-out novel of yours when you could edit it as you also watch sixteen X-Files episodes in a row? Boom. Now you've knocked out both inspiration and editing. 

Netflix counts as research and inspiration, always. If you want to be like me you have to keep your brain fed. 
allow me to recommend daredevil. or x-files. or parks and rec. or psych.

5. blood sacrifice. 

:D 

6. more weeping. 

7. pizza. always crucial. 

8. Pinterest. once again, you gotta feed your brain. get that research in. totally inspiring, those endless hours of scrolling. 
#workwork

9. this is all a trick. you can never be like me.

9. carpal tunnel. 
if you don't have extreme wrist pain and end up in wrist braces half the time, you're doing it wrong. 

10. a towering, all-consuming TBR pile 
if your books aren't threatening to murder you in your sleep at any second, you're also doing it wrong. 


11. the void of the internet 
The true cause of all productivity and good things, ever. I get all my ideas and motivation from scrolling through the void of Twitter at 3AM. Of course. 

This is the ultimate key to productivity, really, guys. Pay attention to this one. 

12. Sweatpants. 
I would not be able to hustle half as hard if not for my incredibly soft and cozy sweatpants. This is, again, just science. I don't make the rules. 
actual footage of me.

13. cats. 
If you want to be as productive as me you must obtain at least one (1) cat. Preferably a fluffy cat but hey, I can't stop you from other breeds and varieties. No matter what kind of cat you go with, you're not going to get anywhere unless you have a judgmental furry overlord stepping on your keyboard and your open books every time you try to get something done. It really motivates you to move quickly. 

14. fuzzy socks. 

15. the attention span of a sleep-deprived hamster on drugs 
Being easily distracted and way too good and also awful at multitasking is the number one thing you need if you ever hope to accomplish as much as I do, guys. I'm sorry to say it, but it's true. Not everyone has the gift. If you do, join me in learning how to use that distraction for good, and get ALL the things done. Always. 

It's simple, really. If you follow these steps to the letter and accomplish them all...maybe, just maybe, you have a chance at being as productive as me.

You're welcome. Aimee out. 

what do you do when you need to be productive and get things done? what motivates you? how long does it take you to recognize sarcasm?

32 comments

  1. 16. If Mountain Dew isn't something you generally consume, try drinking at least 8 cups of coffee. This will give you horrible caffeine-induced jitters/anxiety/pointless crippling terror during the day, but at night you'll feel like you can do anything. It's totally healthy.
    This was hilarious, Aimee. Your sense of humor never disappoints haha.
    (In all seriousness tho this is my life it's not good)

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    Replies
    1. Caffeine is perfectly healthy. PERFECTLY healthy.

      ....

      *eye twitch*

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  2. Aw, Aimee I love your blog so much! I'm so glad I found it. You're so creative and your posts are so full of energy and life. :) Also, somehow you've made me feel guilty for not having carpal tunnel...

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  3. I got 13 down, girl! Just last night I was trying to work on my novel while my white, FLUFFY cat was stepping in front of the screen to try and play with something nearby. It was incredibly difficult to write the correct letters while he was up there... I feel your pain. #Thestruggleisreal

    ~Musicgirl121

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    Replies
    1. Oh, and I knew it was sarcasm the minute I read the title because there was no way you would use the word "foolproof" if this was actually a serious post lol.

      ~Musicgirl121

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    2. You cannot resist the fluffy cats

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  4. Hahahaha... yeah, so true.
    I wish the cat could be part of my creative process. I really do. But I'm allergic, so he has to stay out of my room. :P

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  5. I AM CRYING. XD This is my favorite post ever wow.

    Obviously when one wants to be productive, they should consume as much caffeine as is physically possible and proceed to not sleep for a week and a half. Hey, it gives you lots of time to be productive, right?

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    Replies
    1. Well, of course. This is the best way to function, and nothing will go wrong EVER.

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  6. Sarcasm recognised at the second point. : P Still I loved learning about the ins and outs of your creativity. Mine comes best early in the morning with a healthy dose of often quelled perfectionism. Don't you love how everyone's different?

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    Replies
    1. It IS really answering, actually, that we all have our own processes like that! (It also makes it tricky to find what works for you personally, sigh.)

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  7. As much as I knew this was sarcasm, this is basically me on a daily basis *cries*

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  8. THIS SEEMS TOTALLY LEGIT. I shall be taking notes because I'm failing at life by not wearing sweatpants, drinking mountain dew, or feeling like my arms are about to fall off at the elbow. (So clearly I'm doing it wrong.) But I shall work harder! I DO have the sacrifices down. Several in fact. :')

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    Replies
    1. DO ALL THE THINGS. FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS. *wise nods*

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  9. Fluffy socks are TOTALLY necessary for productivity. However, I must disagree with you on the coffee point.

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    Replies
    1. you can pry my soda from my cold dead hands

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  10. First of all, yes, I appreciate the Hamilton reference. Gotta get that out of the way.

    I think I'm pretty close to becoming the all-productive Aimee. Maybe 4 more steps or so until I'm as productive Aimee. Can't wait!

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    Replies
    1. I BELIEVE IN YOU. You will not be exactly like me, of course, but if you try very hard and procrastinate very much, you can come close. *nodnod*

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  11. "The attention spam of a sleep-deprived hamster on drugs" oh my goodness that mental image XD

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  12. My bullet journal is what inspires me these days. Thank God for bullet journals (^_^)

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    Replies
    1. Bullet journals are magical and no one can tell me otherwise.

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  13. Oooh, allow me to add my own personal favorite tip. Invest your life in three(ish) main hobbies that basically would require you to devote the entirety of your free time to only one of them if you wanted to be anywhere close to good at it, but you can't because you don't want to give up the other two for just one. CHOICES ARE HARD.
    I may be the only one who suffers this, but my three are writing (of course), art like painting, drawing and photography, and horsebackriding. I cannot give up any of them and will forever be stuck in mediocrity between them. :P
    Do you have this problem or is it just me? XD

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    Replies
    1. I RELATE SO HARD. I don't draw/ride, but still relatable xD I have too many things and not enough to time to, y'know, actually have skills in those things.

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  14. Replies
    1. DRINK ALL THE MOUNTAIN DEW. It's my problematic fave.

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  15. THIS IS PERFECT. ����

    Hailey
    haileyhudson.wordpress.com

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  16. Just... yes to this post. All the time. Other ways to be productive: a lot of snacks to fuel your brain. While eating, you obviously have to read/watch videos (brain fodder, duh), and then all your goals will be achieved. (side note: YOU ARE HILARIOUS)

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hey. hey. talk to me. i'm a fan of comments and flailing with you. go for it.