you can't be a writer unless you...

7:00 AM

The definitive checklist.

Look. This may be a world of creativity and artistic expression...but let's be real, there's a certain way to do things. And if you're a writer, you're probably definitely someone who does these exact things, and nothing else. You're just not going to cut it otherwise.

if you're a writer, you:

drink too much coffee. Everyone knows this. Tea is also acceptable and slightly more hipster, so you get points for that.

Basically, it comes down to this: how much caffeine can you pack into your body at once? Are you really a writer if you don't have cute mugs filled with steaming liquid every time you sit down? How would you survive otherwise?

What are you doing if you're not discussing your need for tea or coffee on Twitter?

don't get enough sleep. SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK AND THOSE WITH A ~NORMAL LIFE~. The only time writing ever properly happens is past midnight. If you feel the need to go to sleep earlier than that do you even know what you're doing? 
are an introvert. because duh. There's no being a writer if you get your energy from people. Writers don't go inside, they huddle in their sweatshirts and type words all day. Extroverted writers who like loudness and are fond of getting out of the writing cave and going to parties and like talking about their stories to people in real life who will listen and not be jerks about it aren't a thing. They're like unicorns. Or dragons, because you wouldn't want them to be real, that would just be intimidating.

Writer = introvert = hermit.
speaking of which... 

have a blog. bloggers write and writers blog. Everyone knows this. You have a blog, and you update that blog regularly, and it has a pretty font and you use lots of gifs and share snippets of your writing because you're #legit. (this is a self-callout. I have no regrets.)

write quickly. If you're not writing fifty thousand words a month, what's the point? 

write slowly. if you're not making sure you're writing quality stuff, what's the point? 

are #weird and original. being a writer makes you, y'know, an upper-class citizen. 

or something. 


talk to yourself. in public. 

binge-watch shows instead of writing. we all do it. 

do nanowrimo. obviously. 

do camp nanowrimo. #truenanoer

have some kind of childhood trauma. normal-ness kills art. 

What is normal-ness? Normal people? Ew. (this is out of the sarcastic nature of the post, but i've said it before and i'll say it again: if your idea of 'normal' or 'ordinary' is a john green protagonist, maybe we've got problems.)

are cooler than everyone else. the fact that you're creative and write words makes you smarter and cooler than those average people over there. their lives must be so boring. 
all i'm saying is if you start sounding like moriarty you should probably rethink some things
basically, if you're a writer... 

you conform to one stereotype of what an artist should be and make that the ideal, the thing that makes you an artist, and if you don't fit into that stereotype or do these things you feel like less of a writer/creative person and start to get upset because you'll never be #artistic enough and maybe you're just a fake and everything you've ever done is lame. 

Or, y'know, maybe you're just a person with your own personality and way of approaching a specific talent or lifestyle. 

And maybe you're just a writer if you write words. 

But that would be ridiculous.


  1. couldn't agree with this more. stereotypes for 'creative people' are always so ...confining. it's terrible and makes you feel weird and like you're not enough.

  2. "The only time writing ever properly happens is past midnight."

    AMEN SISTER. Literally me last night. Why is it that I can desire to write early in the day but my creative motivation doesn't strike until 3 a.m.? I will never understand this. Also, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has designated comfy writing sweatshirts, yo. IT'S NOT JUST ME. <3

    P.S. I totally feel you about the John Green protagonist thing. I have many, many things I could say about John Green but we shall save that for another time!

  3. This was amazing and sarcastic, I laughed out loud at many points. Man, the stereotypes are real.

  4. Oh, this post. I <3 it. *artistically wanders away to make tea*

  5. Gosh dang it I have almost the exact same post idea. I guess I'll jsut have to be extra creative with how I do it...
    But seriously, this is great.

  6. Aimee, this is amazing. It spoke to my soul and made me laugh aloud. :) Thanks for making my day happier! I love your blog - you are such a unique, incredible person.

  7. Pfft, only fake writers go for 50K a month. TRUE writers do that in like a DAY. And don't forget has no real people friends and always kills ALL their characters and knows more about forensics than is healthy.

    (Ok...wait...the last one is...not so ridiculous...)

    All these fake writers thinking they can socialise or have other interests or careers or be extroverts or be normal...ugh. What fakers. 😂😂


    Also I KNEW I was a unicorn!!! #ExtrovertedWriter (Or maybe I'm a dragon. >:D)

    Now excuse me while I go have some coffee...

  9. I. Am. Laughing. So. Hard. XD This is beautiful, Aimee.

    And those last couple of sentence? Love.

  10. The sarcasm is strong with this one.

    And here I was, having an identity crisis cause I'm the only writer in the world who hates coffee! I mean, can I even call myself a writer if I don't survive purely on caffeine??

    Thanks for the laughs, Aimee. You're sarcasm is on point (as usual).

  11. 6/14 is dead on for me. XD ALSO I WISH I COULD STILL DRINK COFFEE. I'm allergic. Not to caffeine, but to coffee itself. Uhg.

    I tagged you for the Hamilton tag if you're interested!

  12. THIS IS SO TRUE OH MY GOODNESS WHY. I wish I weren't an introvert, sort of, but I am, so much....
    I don't drink coffee, but I do talk to myself in public. As my characters. Obsessively. The neighbors are fond of giving me weird looks.


    I'm all for writers and artists creating their own creative lifestyle and not trying to conform. Since when is creating art about conforming??


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